She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
