Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize