My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
