Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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