I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
