You're earring is so big in my mouth
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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