i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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