easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
