My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
