apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
