tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
COCAINE IS GR8
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize