Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
