Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
