True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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