I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
...so i touched it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
