i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i need some magic done to my vagina
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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