I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
