he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
