The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
