its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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