I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
