The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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