my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
