I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
