You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
