dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
