Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
