He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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