I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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