Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
