don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
