I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
