Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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