just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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