Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
