I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
