your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
