Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
