Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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