at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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