So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
