I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
