saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
