Cold hands, warm shart.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
