i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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