His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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