grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
