everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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