Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
