I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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