if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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