I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
