one might say we're banned from that church
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
