in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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