My nipple is on Facebook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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