Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
