I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
