id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
did you just send me my own nude
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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