If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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