I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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