you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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