dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
