Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
