I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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