God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
