***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
