Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
