and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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