bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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